At first, they will convince you that they are over her. So you will convince yourself that he cannot still be in love with someone who hurt him like that. You know that you are better for him, and he knows that you are better for him. So you dive into each other, each of you hoping that this new relationship will help him forget about her. You will have fun together. You begin to want more. You knew you would have to wait for him to come around, but months have passed and everything is still superficial; something is just missing.
Even though I know it's over, all I want to do is contact him but I know that I shouldn't. How do I move on? Sorry to hear your new relationship fizzled out, it sounds like it was off to a good start.
I know what it's like; you go on a few good dates, and start to think "finally! I can get off the single merry-go-round! But, just as you're about to make the leap off into a relationship, you're shoved straight back on again. Matters of the heart are always tough iStock.
When you are Dating Someone Who Isn't Over an Ex
The rare times her name comes up in conversation, you see the brief pang of pain flutter in his eyes. His hurt hurts you.
What hurts even more is knowing that he wants to be over her just as badly as you do, but something keeps him holding on. Perhaps there was no closure; perhaps he is waiting for her to come crawling back to him; perhaps it is just his pride that keeps him from going back to her. You are just the placeholder until he decides what he wants to do.
His emotional distance makes you dig your heels in even harder as you resist the fact that this man is so close to being yours—that if you had met at a different time or place or universe, things may have been different.
All you want to be is enough, but you will never be enough because you will never be her. And no matter how good of a person you are, or how compatible you are, or how well you treat him or how much you make him laugh, he will never love you the way he loves her. You will kick yourself a thousand times for trying to mend his broken heart, for getting involved with him when you should have known better.Am I Just A Rebound?
And unless a person is able to let go of the past, no matter how much it meant to them, it is difficult for them to focus on the present, that is, on you. If you recognize any of the above signs in a person you have just started dating, play safe and keep your emotions in check.
It may be extremely tempting to play life-saver to someone smart and attractive, especially when that person makes you feel as if you are the only one in the world who can save them.
However remember that if love depends only certain external circumstances — here upon your giving emotional support - when those circumstances disappear and your partner is back on their feet, what is going to keep them attached to you?
Rather ensure that the person you would like to be committed to is emotionally strong enough to love you back with the care and passion that you too deserve. If you indeed like this person but are pained by their obsession with the past, gently remind them that while you enjoy being with them, you would also like to be sure that this is just about the two of you. If you are one of those people who turn out to be natural sources of emotional succor, then it is possible that your partner may have been confiding a lot without seeming to be aware of the fact themselves.
Dating someone in love with their ex
In such a situation, tell your partner that even though you appreciate their sharing of experiences with you or that even if you like being a good listener, this is not something that you can help them with and that maybe they need to speak to a counselor.
Feelings of pain, anger and betrayal are difficult to deal with even for the strongest of people and there is no shame in seeking professional help in order to overcome them.
At the same time, assure your partner that should they take responsibility for their unresolved feelings and decide to do something about it, they can always count on your love and support. However If nothing seems to be helping, perhaps the only way through the situation is by having a frank discussion.