You've been seeing this guy at least once a week for a few months now. You're both sushi aficionados, his big brown eyes make you melt, and he even laughs out loud at The Mindy Project. It's great—except that you have no idea where things stand. He has yet to introduce you as his girlfriend or bring up being exclusive, and you're craving that "couple" title and the security that comes with it. Talk about blurred lines. However you can use these tips to subtly up the chances that he'll want to turn casual dating into something more. You think you desire something serious with this particular guy—but before you do anything else, be sure.
I don't want to say the wrong thing, or screw it up, or scare her away. Should I take the chance? How do I do this right?
First of all, congratulations. This is a great step. Deciding that you're going to see someone naked exclusively is a big thing. And the good news is that you really, really shouldn't be worried about telling her.
There's no need to hesitate. You don't have to rehearse a big speech that addresses all of her potential objections. Just go ahead and say what you want. Yeah, I know you're scared of being needy. This is pretty common these days: The idea is that nobody wants to be high-maintenance, so you might as well go the other way, and be as low-maintenance as possible. Just be totally chill — to the point of zombie-like catatonia — and you'll achieve relationship bliss.
This is total nonsense. Mostly, expectations aren't what screws up relationships — it's the opposite. Not having expectations is a terrible idea. Being emotionally attached to someone but not knowing what you're going to get out of them is like carrying your heart through a minefield.
How Long Should You Wait Before Having the ‘Relationship’ Chat?
Because, I hate to break it to you, but sometimes you, like, need people. You need to be taken care of sometimes, in whatever way — sexually, emotionally, or even physically, if you get wicked bad food poisoning. And when you're in that situation, if you're in a no-rules, super-chill, easygoing relationship, you won't know if your partner will be there. That's a terrible burden. Even non-monogamous relationships need rules. You might admit this intellectually, but you're concerned about something else: My response to this is simple.
So what if you freak her out a bit? That's actually not a huge problem.
Monogamous relationships are scary, complex, intense things. You're saying, "there's an outside chance we might grow old and die together. And you'll have to just ignore all those other people in your life you want to bone, indefinitely. Being a little intimidated by that is human. That just means you respect the depth of your obligations.
If you aren't a little frightened by the intensity of a really good relationship, you're probably a robot.How To Become Boyfriend Girlfriend - Defining The Relationship
Shout out to my robot readership. Ultimately, if you're not willing to say or do things that might scare your partner, you're never going to get anywhere in your romantic life. You've got to take courage and be willing to say what's on your mind, even if it's going to rock the boat a bit. Otherwise, you'll never buy property together, or try that weird butt stuff you want to do, or talk about your deepest emotions. What kind of a relationship is that?
You don't have to stay in the dark forever, though. If it's been about six months and he hasn't dropped one hint about where he sees this going, casually speak up, says Jennifer Kelman , a licensed social worker and relationship expert at Pearl.
For example, if you'd like him to meet your parents, ask if he'd be up for going out to dinner with them, but let him know there's no harm if he's not quite ready for that yet.
Above all, keep the tone light and maintain open lines of communication. If you feel confident at this point that you want things to be serious, go ahead and tell him, Trespicio says.
But if he still doesn't respond when you bring it up again, it may be time to rethink the relationship. Spending Saturday morning in the soup kitchen or helping an elderly person carry his groceries may be all it takes to have him calling you girlfriend. In a recent British study, people rated potential sexual partners to be more attractive for a long-term relationship if they had altruistic qualities.
No need to sign up at the homeless shelter only to impress him.
Moving A Relationship Forward
Little things in your everyday life, from buying coffee for the woman in line behind you to walking your neighbor's dog, count too. Make an effort to do these things on a regular basis, but also make sure you're showing your selfless side when you're with him.
When you're a kind and gracious person, men and women are more likely to want to be around you—both consciously and subconsciously. Think beyond dinner and after-drinks for your next date. Restaurants can be nice, but try something a little outside your comfort zone from time to time.
Check out a craft beer festival, see a local band at some hole-in-the-wall, or challenge him to a mountain bike race. A new adventure can fortify your relationship since it gives you shared memories to reminiscence about later, and that stronger bond will increase the likelihood he'll want to keep seeing you, exclusively. As a bonus, the dates he comes up with will give you some insight into how he feels. Even if you're anxiously awaiting his call, you shouldn't be available every time he wants to see you.
Wait a few minutes to text back, or if he asks if you're free Tuesday, say that you have other plans but you'd love to meet up on Wednesday. This helps him to realize that your time is valuable and that he'll have to go out of his way to see you.
How to move from dating to girlfriend
Just remember, no one likes playing games. It's easy to let parts of yourself go when you meet someone you think is the man of your dreams.
If you'd rather go to the GYN than watch football, don't pretend to love the Steelers just because the guy you're seeing is a fan. Instead have your own interests to show him how exciting your life is, with or without him. Keep up your long runs on the weekends even if he wants to hang out, and don't expect or nag him to skip his weekly basketball games in favor of seeing you.
The more he sees that you have a fantastic life of your own, the more likely he'll want to jump in and be a part of it. There's a fine line between playing a little hard to get and acting totally indifferent. When you're out to dinner, make sure not to constantly check your phone or dart your eyes around the room.