I know how you feel, because I was a virgin on my wedding day, but my wife was not. Like the woman you mentioned, my wife had become a new creation. But it was still a painful challenge to deal with the knowledge of her past. Then, there was the let-down of having waited that long to give myself entirely to someone, and wanting her to share the experience of the wedding night as totally unique. One reason why these thoughts keep coming to mind for you is probably because you are trying to push them out of your mind without dealing with them. Sweeping them under the rug will allow them to continue bothering you.
That goes triple if it was his first time. Going forward, you have have to make a choice: You can choose all of the hurt, or you can choose him. I can totally understand how each day you keep waiting, it reinforces your frustration and anger at him for breaking his half of the bargain while you continue to keep yours. But you can build a new one. You have to change the way you think about waiting, and waiting with him. And he still wants to wait with you, even if that takes years. And, technically, the benefits of waiting will still apply to your marriage despite this incident.
But all of that is moot if your lingering sense of betrayal and his lingering shame is going to continue to poison your relationship. Let me know how it goes!
Hello everyone, I know it has been awhile since this post but I am hoping someone will give me some insight. Here is my story… Unfortunately, I was not a waiter. I wish now that I was. I am now in my early forties. Despite not having been a waiter, I was never promiscuous. I have had 4 partners in my life. My first boyfriend and I were together for 4 years before we had sex. I thought he was going to be my husband and were engaged when we had sex. Unfortunately, he died and I was devastated.
A few years later, I meet another man who again, I dated for many years before we had sex. We were engaged and I thought thag God had given me another wonderful man.
Slowly this man began abusing me verbally and untimately physically. The sex was non existant during those times and my self exteeem was next to none.
I mustered the courgare to leave him and worked on myself and finished my degree. I was alone during that time…no sex and no casual encounters. Never did I have any casual flings of any kind. In my thirties, I meet another man and was moreso careful. We dated for many years and got engaged. Again, I thought I was blessed. During this relatonship, there was no sex and I made it very clear that I did not want to have sex before marriage. I did not want to do the same mistake again.
During this relationship, I came to find out that he cheated on me not once but twice. He turned the table around and blamed me for him having to seek sex elsewhere. He called me a hypocrite because I was not a virgin and yet tried to behave like one. I ended the relationship then and there. Once again, I was alone for about 3 years and not having any casual sex.
About 7 years ago I met my current fiance. When we met, quite coincidentally as I was not looking for anyone, he seemed like the perfect man. Right from the start, I told him about my past and my values. He was no fresh daisy but I never thought he did had played out his sex life withiut morals or consequences. I informed him from the beginning that honesty and communication was crucial for me and that I did not wish to be involved with a man who had a casual view of sex.
I was fully cspable of being with a man who was jot a waiter but one who had been in only serious relationships. Asking for otherwise, would make me a hypocrite. He assured me that that he was a man of values and morals.
Things were wonderful for the first 5 years and this man is by far the best friend I thought I ever had. Turns out he lied to me about so much. In fact, most of his sexual encounters were very casual…fuck buddies and one night stands…. When I found out, my world shattered. I felt as though I was punched in the stomach. He says he lied because he saw that I was a good girl with values and that he did not want to lose me.
He said that he always dreamed of finding a girl like me but after having been treated lkke dirt by his first and second girlfriend, tnag he thought that love did not exist. I think he was horny and got off on having no strings attached sex. He betrayed me…he lied to me…he conned me in orderto get into my life. Now all these years later…years that I invested into this man, I feel like I had no choice…he ne er gave me the choice nor the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand, he never asks for sex and respects me on that level.
He has waited and is willing to wait. I am stuck now dealing with the betrayal lies that he told me for years, but also with this knowledge of him having sex with these random moraless womem. The images are taunting and it makes me nauseated. I am trying to do the right thing by forgiving him amd moving along but it is really hard.
I need someone on the outside to give me some advice. Thank you and God bless. Hello Mike, I have been with my girlfriend over 6 years now. When we met I was 24 and she was I was a virgin and she told me she had sex once with a guy and that it was a mistake. Recently she had an email from him and told me.
She also mentioned a one year relationship and after few days I was wondering as it did not correlate with previous story. I spoke to her about it and she said she was 19 with him once and they they were on and off for year but he wasnt for her.
So I dont know how many times she has slept with him and I think he was her only sexual partner. I also have told her I was a virgin when I met her only because I was shy and lacking in confidence so could not perform with 4 or 5 people I met on one night xstands.
I did not think about this before as I thought she had sex once and didnt enjoy it but now I realise she was with him a number of times I cant get it out of my head, of what they did and her enjoying someone else.
I do not want this to damage our relationship.
When You Are a Virgin, but the Girl is Not
I know she didnt tell me full story at beginning as she was ashamed I wasnt her first and she didnt want to hurt me. I know it is a mixture of pride and possibly she has experienced a sexual realationship with someone else that I didnt due to my issues. The conversation upset her a lot and I do not want to punish her but the images are driving me mad. Do I leave it alone and deal with myself orvtalk more?
This advice is just a way to keep your mind off of her not being a virgin. Crystalina Evert talks about this in her chastity talks. She went to a high school where there was a girl who was known to have slept with multiple guys.
The people in the school decided they knew all about her: But her parents were going through a divorce, and whenever she was at home, there was yelling and screaming.
She said that at least when she was with those guys, for a few moments when they held her, it felt like love, and it was the only thing close to love she was experiencing.
They need love and understanding, not condemnation and name-calling. My parents, my grand parents, my friends have all been like that, but my gf is a non-virgin and she has had sex with at least six people, all men, whom she had believed to be the love of her life at some point. It pains me to think that so many people had touched her and had sex with her. Why is that my girl has to be touched and defiled by so many people? And this also creates a great sorrow in my heart that I am not fortunate enough to have someone just for me, like the people from my society.
You might say you have found a girl you love and that make you fortunate. But so has other people in my family. Why does God have to give me such a miserable deal?
Now that is not a possibility. Why does this have to happen? I want this girl, but with her not being touched by anyone. I once dated a girl so silly and sexually repressed to think that she could serve up purity on a platter by being a virgin for her future husband. She had never even been in a remotely normal dating relationship, but somehow expected that a successful marriage would transpire out of thin air. You people need to embrace human sexuality instead of needlessly punishing yourselves for wanting what is natural.
People who actually love and respect each other are usually happy and excited just spending time together. They freely admit that they want to have sex, and that sex is a good thing. Anonymous, I have a slightly different story bc it has bothered me, but I believe that how you are handling it is great.When Girls Lose Their Virginity
If you are a Christian then you know that all sins are equal and that we are supposed to forgive others. I have taken this approach because I love him too much to let him go. I highly believe that a person can ask God for a renewed virginity and promise to save themselves for marriage. Virginity is like a wrapped gift. If you let someone open it sex , then your future spouse is left with an already opened gift while you may be giving them your beautifully wrapped gift. But they can ask God to re-wrap their gift.
Pain will still be there for future relationships, but they have taken an oath with God. Why should you not be able to forgive him? Thank you so much! This article really helped me out because everything in it explains the way i feel. Because he was their guidance to the Lord.
We must reflect his love in such ways, and learn to accept the person you love, who also loves you. But he does now. And that is enough for me to know, that God has plans for us. This article helped me realize, there are more pros than cons. And the only way to get through once you know they are the right, is through the lord. Thank you so much for this! This helped me see what I am doing wrong. But one quick question. My bf talks about his past sex life with almost pride, what does that mean?
Shes 18 and lost it at I find that discussing. Now shes with me now of course and considering marriage. Images of you and others having sex keep poping up in my head and it killing the whole mood here. This article really did lift some weight off my shoulders but everything I just talked about is still on my mind.
Mike I have been with this guy for some time now and I love everything about him,I honestly thought he was the one. I really want things to work out between us but I get the feeling that things are never going to be the same between us again. Get off your weird, shaming high-horse and move toward something more productive. That name calling is so horribly gross. I have same dilemma too, but I have broader situation here. I am Virgin and My partner is not. I feel it gross to me.
Not being selfish, but is it bad if I choose my self than accepting her.? I really love her, and I get doubts for now if she loves me too more than the past now and wonder if she wont have feelings to her past anymore. Im not judging her to be a whore and a not decent girl.
I have been in this situation twice now. It definitely hurts a lot. However, what helped me get over it was realizing that I was being extremely selfish. I want to care more about the other person than I care about myself or even think about my own desires. Without that, I would have never been able to come to terms with it. I had to feel his love in my own life before I could love others.
Loving someone and their stained and dirty past is radical. When someone truly understands how much God loves you, everything changes. The amazing thing about God is that he is patient and will never stop loving us. This concept is life-changing. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to grasp this even growing up in a Christian home. I just recently became a Christian and I am in college.
Too many people are turned off from Christianity by the hypocrisy and everything that is wrong with the American Church. Sure, it will still be a struggle, but the best way I can describe it is that you just feel peace.
I know that a lot of people hate having the Bible shoved on them, but if there is any interest, read the book of Hosea in the Old Testament. It really brings things into perspective for me. I wish I had someone to talk to about this.
Can someone help me through this? I need some help. I asked and she told me and she answered with all honesty. What should I do about this? Bro, thank you so much for writing such a lovely article. It has really helped me to deal with my anger and pain. May God bless you. Helpful article on a tough subject.
I guess it is one thing for me if the guy had sex at a young age and is now fully committed to waiting, but another if our views on the subject completely differ — if I am committed to waiting because of moral and religious reasons which I am , but to him premarital sex is completely fine and he wants to only follow his passionate and lustful feelings no matter when they occur, then how different are our priorities and beliefs going to be in other areas if we do not agree on the issue of the context in which sex should occur?
My personal decision has not wavered as I have also seen the damaging fallout of some of these friends after break-ups occur and they are faced with feelings of betrayal, distrust, and moral angst. And I want the same commitment from him, which is why virginity does matter to me. I new want I was in for and thought I could handle it but I m struggling too. What should I do x. Thanks so much for this!
Simple as it is but very hurting, I must admit that just a thought of her having sex with that guy makes me sick. I loose appetite and always picture her with him.
I usualy ask, what did he tell her that she gave in to him, not once but thrice?? Am no longer a virgin and my first time was with her.
Sometimes when am undressing her i cry just after thinking that that other man might have undressed the same clothes. I must admit that its a big blow on my side. My boyfriend and I had sex a few months before we started dating. He immmediately told his family when we started having sex.
He says he wants to get married and have kids and always says he wishes we were married, and that we met sooner. I didnt really think our relationship would last this long.
His parents and my mom kind of pressure him about marrying me. I guess I do …. But the thing is her past still haunts me at this point.
Our relationship ia being affected with it.. Please tell me what to do.. Mike,im with a girl who i dated in school for two years. In that time we were serious. I went to university and she was still in school. We broke up in a good manner. After 4 years we met again and began dating. She regret that she had sex with him. I try to forgive her but somedays i get really angry and disgusted about it. It is effecting our relationship.
What can i do to make it better? This article plus all the comments have been really helpful. This was because she told it in a quite early point.
Later on when I had started to really love this girl and also found about more details about her history things started to escalate. Suddenly my sub-concious started shooting me with painful images of her having sex in different positions.
That she has never wanted anybody so bad we have real struggle keeping pants on. That she had never thought that her decisions could be so painful for someone Else later on life. My struggle with her history is painful for her and she has told me she would make it all undone if she could.
And I believe her. It helps to share this with anonymous audience. If you have time please feel free to pray for me in this struggle. But it hurts and I get all the feelings described in this article. I love him but this gets in the way of our relationship. I have been married 38 years next month have three beautiful grown up children.
I love my wife very much. I always have from the day I met her and I always will. But the day she told me she was not a virgin and had sex with her former boyfriend remains like a knife in my heart to this day. It is something I will never get over. Although not particularly religious I have always felt that keeping ones virginity for marriage was the right thing to do.
I had not been in any serious relationship until I met her…always had my head into the books so as you can guess I was a complete virgin in every sense of the word. We fell in love almost at first sight. I loved her company and loved everything about her as she did me.
To explain my feelings when she told me she had sex is extraordinarily difficult. I felt cheated, angry, hurt, betrayed, annoyed at myself for not meeting her sooner…all sorts of wild emotions.
After all , unless I am unfaithfull to her I will never know what that is like will I? Even after all these years I feel tremendous heartache. She has the view that it is her past and I was not part of it so I have no right to discuss it with her….. I did ask her once when we got into a very rare argument about it whether she could remember the first time we had sex. She could not but of course does remember when where, time of day place etc where she lost her virginity and remembers every detail.
I have learned to shove my emotions in a dark part of my mind and just try to go on with my life. For any young women and men out there who remain virgins please wait until your wedding night. It will mean so much more for the both of you and you will not suffer 40 years of heartbreak and torment loving a woman so deeply it hurts but knowing that you will never be her first.
You cannot be practically a virgin Mike. If you have slept with someone else just once you are not. None of them are virgins because both mentally and physically they are different. To not gonna die a virgin.
I have been there for a long long time. These thoughts will not go away they will be with you for all time. My best advice is to stop the hurting now and find yourself a virgin to love and cherish. There is no baggage and these thoughts will never enter your head. I am 65 years old and wish so dealry that I had taken a different path in my life and looked for the virgin I wanted and needed.
I made a huge mistake. You have teh opportunity to not make that mistake. Well I am planning to get married to this gal, she has been constantly saying that she never had anyone and it was me as the first guy in her life.
Lately, I got to know she had a relationship of 3 years and they have had sex for many times as they were together sharing an apartment. When i try to get cozy with her, there is some or other type of tension developed between us may be due to her vast experience as to be honest I am a geek and have never been with any gal by now. Honestly, gave up on waiting until marriage. So gonna live life until then, and not going to worry!
Its right that a person who waited till marraige should go for someone who shares same values…. This article cleared so many things on my mind.
We ended up having sex before we officially dated. I love her so much and she loves me equally. One or tow of her boyfriends kinda impacted her life and made her few things differently in life. I want to be a boyfriend that impacted her life, but more than they did.
She agreed with me not to mention it ever again. But I feel that theirs more than just having sex, I told her I wanted to start something new with her and to forget about the past and create our own story.
I have exactly the same concerns. Unless the virginity issue is due to rape, there is no reason why virgins should EVER be obliged to carry the baggage that comes along with non-virgins who did not wait until marriage. Your article barely scratches the surface about the amount of emotional torment that virgins go through when they realise their partner is not a virgin like they are, and how sweeping those emotions under the carpet will NEVER work.
What do you mean when you say we virgins should not torment ourselves unnecessarily? Those emotions that we feel are completely normal and justified, and should not be invalidated for the sake of a relationship. Read up on some psychology regarding the damage of suppressed emotions before you spew such trash. As for not torturing non-virgins about their sexual past, its completely possible: Meanwhile, life for virgins are just as tough if not more so for us since we have to resist temptations, none of those are ever rewarded when we get into a relationship with non-virgins because they already stock up for themselves baggages from their own irresponsible actions.
And all you can say to us is: Are you kidding me? Sure, non-virgins can have wonderful qualities, but when they cannot even control their own animalistic desires, that is a huge red flag flying in the face of any virgin seeking a stable and long term healthy relationship.
Its like saying a murderer who only murdered one person is not that much of a murderer compared to a serial killer. No thanks either to your negativity that just because the world is promiscuous, virgins should just settle for someone less than their ideal.
That racks of low self esteem and compromise, something a high value person never does. There is nothing silly about minding the sexual past of a partner, in fact, that is what true realism is about, not the realism you posit.
It is absolutely realistic to have concerns that the sexual past of your partner can affect not just your emotional and physical health AIDs and other STDs, ring a bell? To those non-vrigins who are self justified in their promiscuity, I have only this to say: You can choose to be promiscuous, we too can choose never to accept you.
This whole thing sucks. Please tell me what you would do… If you saved yourself for marriage, to find the right man at the age of 27… You get into a very serious relationship with this guy that you have known since childhood. The first time does not feel like a first time or how you imagined it to be all your life, he does not connect, has no value or mention of the sacrifice you both are making, has no emotional attachment and does not take care of you in any way before or after.
You blame it on inexperience and let your gutt feeling pass. Your 27 years of sacrifice is wasted. You, your body, your soul feels used, manipulated, deceived, cheated. He should have come clean before proceeding further in the relationship.
Had that been the case it would be your choice! And no it was not a spur of the moment decision. What does one do to get through the emotional trauma?
Your heart is toren apart, your body feels like trash, you feel raped, you blame yourself for the wrong decisions you made, for being educated yet so naive to have taken such a wrong decision and been cheated on… You still love him though he broke your heart by deciving you… So please tell me what you would do if this happened to you.
After 20 or so hours of depression and thinking about this problem, I feel that I need to write this. I met a girl in my first week of college. She was my ideal in so many ways. I had never had sex or done anything sexually with a girl before this time. I had my first kiss stolen when I was 13, after I told the girl not to, and promptly broke up with her.
Not for kissing me, as my entire life up until my first week of college I had never really thought about virginity or how strongly I felt about it. I actually thought that guys that put so much weight into virginity were either very jealous, people, extremely and ridiculously religious I have no problem with good people that are also religious. Just bad people that use it to justify hurting others , or just shitty people. I sat with her on the couch of her apartment after kissing her the night before extensively.
She became serious and told me that she had to get something off her chest. She told me strait up that she had tried to have sex with 2 other guys and it hurt so much she never actually had been penetrated. She asked me, that if we do end up falling in love, she wanted me to know up front that she may never be able to have, enjoy sex. Me being someone that had never done anything with anyone, felt completely fine with her past sexual history.
What did I know? I told her as much. The weeks went by, we were so crazy in Love I can say this for sure 5 years later and enjoyed nearly every minute of life. I suffered from deep depression for many years during highschool.
After having been taken out of middleschool in the last year and never actually having attended highschool. I was mildly agoraphobic and did nothing, with little social contact. So as you can probably visualize, I was pretty much finding new hope in life with her and hope for the future, being out in public again and falling in love right off the bat with this girl that seemed to love me so much.
I learned, much about her previous relationships, and started to fell something really terrible in the pit of my stomach. I Lied to her and told her I had been with other girls.
Going so far as to say I had sex with one of them.
In the months following I started to become more and more sick. Asking more and more questions about her previous relationships. She reacted like she should have. She would tell me,but with an air of incredulity to her speech. Up until then, I would have felt it was justified, but instead I became very bitter. The worst feelings I have every had, barring having my back molar chiseled out under little anesthesia, would occur, and I would Lie on my knees holding my stomach. So this went on for a while until I started, actually raging at her.
Rage is not a word I would ever use in describing myself and my life up until this point. The guys btw were real assholes that used her and left her. I should also probably point out that, though she never actually had intercouse, she had done quite a bit, and her first bf at 15 made her cum many times over there relationship… This is becoming very hard to write out at this point. I was actually waiting for someone I loved.
I had been waiting, intentionally avoiding sexual relationships until I found the right girl. Apparently at some point in my life this became extremely important to me without realizing it. Now I was with this beautiful amazing women, that loved me back, but I was so incredibly devastated by her lack of emphasis on waiting for the man she loved, that I could hardly look at her.
I made her feel so soo bad for this. I felt like I needed her to feel bad. The thing was, she did. She felt horrible, she never loved these guys, and in fact only tried to have sex with them based on peer pressure from them and her 4 sisters examples. She felt like this was how life works after the first guy, and being so upset about potentially never being able to have sex, she stopped caring about her self and sex as a moral ideal.
Expecting to never find a good man.
Dating a girl who isnt a virgin
Nothing I learned helped. Throughout our relationship, I tried everything. Getting healthy, eating as best I could, taking supplement, counseling. I met her family and resented all of them, even the place she grew up in.
I started resenting my amazing Mother for ending my social life, and possibly ruining my chances of having had sex before I met her. Which I assume, even to this day, would have fixed this problem.
For five years on and off I have suffered though this. I know this is a far cry from some of you on here, but I feel your pain. I cried for you reading every post on this thread. She left me, and I her, nearly every year for months at a time. I have been working on this pain for these years. Everyday of my life I think about her with them. I have gotten pretty good over the years at not taking it out on her, as much as I want to.
As well as being able to scramble my thoughts to gibberish and colors to get the pictures out of my head. This past year she started to become more and more distant. I talked her into getting a job. Knowing that I was only doing it so that she would start living life again. After being with such a terrible verbally abusive man, and sticking by me through all of the horrible 10 hour long fights.
I don't think I can better Kris Rosvold 's description of it as "a painful, fumbling, messy, painful oh, I said that already? It bears repeating , embarrassing, frustrating, all-in-all sad affair". To be fair, your first sexual experiences as a man are likely to be every bit as fumbling, messy, embarrassing, frustrating and sad if they happen with a woman who isn't a virgin- it takes practice which, fortunately, is great fun!
You will at least be spared the ordeal of trying and potentially failing, which is a real and seldom discussed possibility to take some poor girl's virginity in the process. I admire your outlook on marriage- what I hear you saying here is that if you marry this girl you have every intention that it will be a lifelong commitment and that you will be faithful to her.
If you love your girlfriend, I don't think you should let her virginity or lack of it worry you. If you marry her, she won't be a virgin for long anyway, and whatever you imagine happens to virgins on their wedding night, the reality is way less romantic and way more awkward and uncomfortable. What really matters is whether you love her and whether you two have the strength of character, the humility and generosity to make a lifelong marriage work.
If you decide to let the virginity thing go and decide to marry her, I wish you both the very best. Answered Sep 29, Well, its kind of understandable in some regard why you're asking this question in the first place because you may feel like, " I have waited this long and saved it for the special person" and also you may find imagining the person you are going to be with for the rest of your life, spending intimate moments with another man, disturbing to you.
But if you really love her and she loves you the same too, then there's no reason why her virginity should bother you, because if you prove yourself a good man and a good husband, she will most likely regret later in her life for not having saved those intimate special things for you.
How did u feel like when u did something amazing for the first time? Like skydiving or watching the sunset on the beach or riding an awesome bike for the first time after learning to ride on a on old scooter or something of that sort? This thinking is what makes me save myself for the special someone. But this doesn't mean you should ditch the girl just because she isn't a virgin, because there's a lot to a person than their virginity I personally feel virginity is more of an emotional and psychological thing than it is physical, that's why rape is such a big deal and very intolerable.
I believe some things cant be undone no matter what, they get etched in you brain like concrete. First of all, the fact that she is not a virgin probably means she loved the guy with whom she lost her virginity but seriously, given the premise that she loved him, this is the least that she lost and the thing u can have for her in this case is empathy and not hatred or something of that sort.
If it was done out of pure lust that she lost her virginity, she most probably would not have made it known to you in the first place.
You can also try to learn more about her because there are so many women who may be virgins but may not suit to your emotional and psychological frequency, and some women who aren't virgins but can go so well with you, and also people change, she may have changed a lot for good since that time. Make yourself worthy of her love and faithfulness so much so that you will see her feel bad for not saving some special things for you.
Although the goal is not to make her feel bad, but to create for yourself a chance to forgive her of her past. Most Important of all: Don't lose a possibly good woman for just a flaw in her virginity, Evaluate carefully on what she really is, whether you love her and whether she loves you and see if you are compatible and can build a happy home together, because in the end that's what counts.
And you probably won't "get" a left-handed redhead or a ballet dancer from Guam or a smoking hot 6'6" transexual or a dwarf dominatrix with high heels and a whip or a schoolteacher from Dubuque.
Dating a non-virgin
So tell me, why would "getting" a virgin matter to you? Out of all the vast variety in the human race, why would you obsess about one of the most meaningless and transitory characteristics a person can have? Do you lust to play tennis with someone who has never held a racquet? Sing with someone who has never sung a note? Go to a play in which none of the "actors" have ever acted before?
Eat a meal cooked by a complete novice? Have a pre-med student perform your heart surgery? Then why do want to have sex with someone simply because she is inexperienced at sex? What mystical virtue do you expect to derive from her ignorance? My gut reaction to your question is to hope, for both your sakes, that it doesn't last or turn into a marriage.
An obsession with virginity is unhealthy and an indication of inexperience and immaturity. In addition, you do not say anything about love, and you do not sound like you have enough experience with dating, sex, OR love to be making a lifelong commitment to anyone. IMHO, what you should do is enjoy your relationship, learn from it, and then move on. Perhaps your next crush will be a virgin who thinks you are spoiled goods because you aren't one.
If so, you may find it a salutary experience. Marrying the first girl you ever dated is almost never a good idea for either of you. Is it okay to have sex before marriage? Shakti Amarantha's answer to Survey Questions: Is it okay to lose your virginity without getting married? Shakti Amarantha's answer to What are some reasons to save your virginity other than the typical religious reasons?
Answered Aug 3, I want you to know this, virginity is relative, I've met women from different cultures, some girls will do everything and anything but vaginal sex - anal sex,oral sex, motorboating,pretty much any orifice but the vagina is up for grabs, and technically they are still virgins because the hymen is intact, other women have rather elastic hymens and despite penetrative sex it still remains intact, one woman was a sex worker, I kid you not , but she still had a visibly intact hymen, and some girls have a hymen that was torn by trauma ,tampons etc.
Take it from the ladies that have posted, "deflowering" a virgin can be messy, uncomfortable or even painful, if you're lucky enough to find a good woman, I'd forget about the presence or absence of a thin membrane, as others have observed, virginity is like a balloon , one prick and it's gone,or take it another way, what if you bag a virgin you do seem to treat it like a trophy , you marry her, pop her cherry,and then have to live with the raging beyotch that came with said cherry for the rest of your life, seems like a poor trade off to me.
Seriously, out of all the possible things you might accomplish with your life, THAT is important to you? Yeah, you will never "get" a virgin. But you will have a lifetime to treat your wife and family with love, and each day you do that is a far better day than a day in which you "get" a virgin.
She regrets not waiting and knows that it hurts me that she didn't, but we love each other. We are going to continue to work through this until it has no power over us and we can focus on each other, and the possible future we might have together. I feel like we'll make it because she's a different person than she was, and I'm willing to go through any hardship for her. The concept of being a virgin until marriage is totally ludicrous. Who cares that he isn't a virgin as long as he is a nice guy, has good morals, treats you well, etc If you have such a big problem with it I think you should evaluate yourself.
Being a virgin in a relationship means virtually nothing. I totally understand where your coming from because like you want your first time to be with a virgin so you could share the experience.
But if you really love him and expect to get married you will have to look past it. First off, I'd like to simply out it out there and ask, are you a Christian? If you are, I'm just simply going to say this, Christian to Christian.
Your boyfriend is a douche. And you not liking the idea of him having sex before you is completely normal hun, trust me. It IS a sickening thought to ever imagine the one you love ever have groped or touched another girl before you.
No one likes the idea of being compared to someone else in their lover's eyes. You should be his one and only. Fact is, guys are nothing but complete pigs in this society today. They'll grope any girl and not care about her the next day. Btw, I'm not trying to say any of this to hurt or scare you too much.
I'm trying to be as honest as I can.