Truly opened my eyes? No words can express how much I love this book. I wish I had read it much earlier. In essence, this book somehow, magically, alchemically, brings you back to yourself. Everyday TV and other media specialize in portraying women as cheap and disposable. This book is the antidote.
When you do meet a guy who's as smart and educated as you are, you find yourself competing with him and even driving him away. Sure, you're meeting guys, but the wrong kind of guys. Even though you are in places where there are decent guys, the men aren't approaching you, and nothing ever comes of it.
You get plenty of attention at parties, but usually from the guys you aren't interested in, while the guy you like is completely oblivious to her existence. How unfair is that. You have exceptionally high standards for men, and have a tough time finding men who meet that standard in your city. Decent guys you are interested in ask for your number -- but wouldn't call. Why'd he bother getting the number in the first place?
Guys are just plain intimidated by your intelligence and success. As soon as they find out where you went to school or what you do for a living, it's like a cold, wet blanket was thrown on the flame of their interest.
When you liked a guy, he wouldn't call for a second date. And if you didn't like the guy so much, he would call without fail. You'd date a terrific guy for a few weeks -- and then he would break it off for no apparent reason, even though you were having a great time together. You continue to stew in your own juices afterwards, thinking, "Why does this happen to me? You'd date a guy with whom you had amazing chemistry. After a few months of good times, things would go downhill as it became clear you're not right for each other, but you would hold on to the relationship for too long because you just knew you'd make it work.
You'd meet a guy you really liked and had great conversation with, but the sexual connection wasn't that great. You have a pattern of falling for 'bad boys' and attempting to fix them, which usually ends in tears and heartbreak -- until you find the next bad boy. If any of these scenarios above sound even vaguely familiar, give me a little nod. All these challenges are what I saw my female friends and colleagues experience. And chances are you have similar ones.
Now there's an interesting principle from Eastern wisdom which says that a knife can't cut itself. And you can't see a mountain if you're standing on it -- it helps to stand some distance away from it. Listen to Dr Alex discuss solutions to smart women's dating dilemmas on radio show 'Your Time with Kim Iverson' 12min. So even though my friends couldn't figure out why they were in this predicament, it was clear to me that they were sabotaging their own fulfillment in subtle ways.
I was just out of medical school then, so my brain was in full "let's diagnose this" mode. What could I do to help them have more fulfillment in their dating lives? Is it possible that the solution to these challenges was not to try to fix each individual symptom, but to approach the world of dating with a completely new mindset -- a perspective in which these problems wouldn't even arise?
Around the same time, an interesting convergence had happened in my life. And just a few years back, I had picked up a copy of The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff which was my gateway drug to Eastern wisdom and Taoist philosophy. I carried the Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu with me wherever I went, and read it on the subway, at bus stops, on the plane, wherever.
I even got the tape version and listened to it. I must have read it over times by now. What I loved about that book was its simplicity and brevity the whole thing comes in at under words.
And how, in the space of a line or two, it offered you principles that could transform your whole life when you applied it. Here's a passage I'm particularly fond of as translated by Stephen Mitchell: If you want to shrink something, You must first allow it to expand. If you want to get rid of something, You must first allow it to flourish. If you want to take something, You must first allow it to be given. This is called the subtle perception Of the way things are.
The soft overcomes the hard. The slow overcomes the fast. Let your workings remain a mystery. Just show people the results. The first 20 times I read it, it didn't make sense.
But then it started to sink in. Before you can take something, you must allow it to be given. In other words, create the circumstances for that which you want , and then it will arise naturally, effortlessly.
If you want to be loved, be the kind of person who is lovable. If you want commitment, be the kind of person who's worthy of committing to. And I loved the spirit of the Tao Te Ching.
The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible
Observe the world as it is. Notice the greater wave that's flowing through things, and flow with it. Don't try to swim against the current.Joshua Pellicer - How the Tao Badass Book got me engaged to the girl of my dreams
Swim with the current, and the universe will aid you along you path. It all dovetailed nicely with the yoga practice I had just taken up. You can think independently of circumstance. Pain happens but suffering is optional. The world is perfect as it is.
There was so much complementarity between Buddhist, Hindu, yogic and Taoist philosophy. At the same time, I am trained as a scientist. Having written a neuroscience thesis at Harvard and getting an MD from UC San Diego means I'm not entirely comfortable floating in feel-good generalities that are difficult to apply, as beautiful and soothing as the Eastern teachings are. I want my readers to have something solid to hold on to as well.
Something you can apply in the real world. So to create tools that elevate you while being totally practical and down-to-earth, I decided to combine the two big influences in my life, namely, Eastern wisdom and Western science. The result is The Tao of Dating: The goal of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible is to give you timeless spiritual principles that you can use to empower you and make your life more fulfilling, in the dating realm and beyond.
Add to that the scientific principles of why people behave the way they do, and it all starts to make a lot of sense.
Both ways of thinking are near and dear to my heart. After three science degrees from Harvard, UCSD and Cambridge, three dissertations, and being a chemistry teaching assistant for three years, I'm soaked in this science stuff like a fish is soaked in seawater.
At the same time, nothing has influenced my life quite as much as the principles of Taoist philosophy and Eastern wisdom. I'm absolutely convinced that they help you become a happier, calmer, more empowered and more fulfilled human being.
They've already worked for me and thousands of my male readers. So if you're more scientifically-inclined, I want The Tao of Dating to be your introduction to useful spiritual principles. If you're more spiritually-inclined, I want the book to be a gentle primer on the science of why people do the things they do.
You'll be surprised sometimes at how science and spirituality arrive at the same principles. Valid paths to truth often end up converging. Inside the dating male's mind from a real insider. In addition, I wrote a dating book for men three years ago. It was targeted at educated, affluent, spiritual men with a desire to be the best they could be in life.
Since then, I have been privy to their needs, wants, challenges, frustrations, successes and aspirations when it comes to dating women. I have heard from thousands of them in letters, seminars, polls, consultations, and conversations.
And by now I have a pretty good idea of what makes them sing hint: And as a bona-fide guy with over three decades of training under my belt, I've been on some dates myself and have some observations to offer. As a certified clinical hypnotherapist and personal change specialist, I've been through a lot of self-help workshops, seminars and books. Collectively, they have cost me tens of thousands of dollars.
I've noticed that the products that work are the ones that involve the reader in the learning process. It's not just enough to give you useful information -- any book can do that. What's important is to get you to feel the principles in your bones.
Because that's when you're compelled to change your behavior and get some real change. And that's why I've got exercises in the text ranging from the simple to the utterly radical, to help you transform your life. Along with audios to guide you along those exercises. And regular emails to check in on you and make sure you're reading and doing the exercises. Not that I don't trust you'd do them on your own. No no no -- far from it. I trust you completely.
I just don't trust myself. I've bought so many courses and books that are now doubling as expensive dust-gatherers that I know that I could use a little nudge to get done more of the things I want to do anyway.
A little catalyst goes a long way, I say. I honestly believe that those exercises alone are worth the price of the course. When you do them, you will discover things about yourself, your mind, your sensuality and your world that may astonish you -- and even transform you.
Here are some of the secrets to love and fulfillment in this highly informative, uplifting, empowering course. Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. How to re-orient yourself to what you truly want instead of false substitutes. Yin and yang, feminine and masculine in relationships.
Get this wrong, and nothing will work. Get this right and everything will flow effortlessly. The concept of no-self and how to apply it to your life. The fastest way to liberate yourself from fear, doubt, worry and hesitation in your dating life and beyond. This is the best, most fundamental idea in Buddhism, boiled down to its second essence.
You are the greatest thing since sliced bread -- get used to it. How to embrace and embody your inner goddess she's there, I swear.
I could go on for days on this one, and you should definitely check out the 'How to be a modern goddess' audio excerpt below it's free. The dilemma of the career-oriented woman. How to tap into the infinite power of your femininity in a world drunk with masculine energy. It's easier to find stuff when you know what to look for. Figure out your core values to stop spinning your wheels and get more of what you want.
Why men are so damn horny. Understand this, and you'll get a lot more peace of mind and a lot less confusion. Meet Biff, Lance and Victor.
The three basic types of guys you'll encounter, reasons to date each one or not , and why you should aim for a Victor when the time is right. Kill the prince -- like, now. How the Western romantic notion of the knight in shining armor is seriously getting in the way of your fulfillment. All the great things you have to offer in a relationship, and your secret gift as a woman. It's been under your nose all along; it's time you used its power to serve you.
The slot machine model of human behavior. Why good women get stuck in bad relationships, and how to snap out of it now if you're in one. Self-concept, self-esteem, and the 'marriage shift. How to spot bad boys and Good Guys. Take it from a guy -- I know these archetypes well. Click on the 'Read first chapter FREE' button above and to the right, or use the 'Click to look inside' button to read the full table of contents. Also some juicy tidbits for you in the 'About the Author' section below.
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The Tao of Dating is a profoundly helpful manual for women who want to feel their best and be truly fulfilled in love. It's up to us to navigate the ship to the safe harbor we so desire. Thanks Ali for honouring women so deeply! I couldn't help but marvel that one man had compiled such a wealth of dating experience and spiritual wisdom into one slim tome. I have already bought copies for my private coaching clients and could not recommend Dr.
Ali's work with any greater enthusiasm. Smart women who sometimes struggle with dating have found their Bible. Dr Ali Binazir here, and I'm thrilled you're paying a visit. This means I can put two thoughts together and express them in a way you understand. More important, I also know how smart people i. This is where I learned how to diagnose and treat problems, including those relating to the human mind. This means after figuring out what someone's doing wrong, I have tools to actually change their behavior.
Much more important than all of that: I've been on hundreds hundreds! And I've had thousands thousands! I know how guys think and what they like. And in clear, practical terms, I can teach how you can be the thing they like -- even love. I'm committed to helping you become the most deliriously happy and fulfilled version of you, and am glad to be of service. Some topics of interest that I cover in The Tao of Dating: Would you like to tell us about a lower price?
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Write a customer review. See all customer images. Read reviews that mention tao of dating highly recommend absolutely irresistible ever read every woman must read guide to being absolutely woman guide ali binazir dating life dating book feminine energy life changing best dating common sense refer back dating scene changed my life big brother even though. Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
Nothing of the sort here. Having now read so many contradictory dating books, I was really relieved to read a guide with actual moral substance and spiritual heart. Beautifully, like an open flower. Just to be absorbed and integrated.
Although I admit occasionally the truth is a little counter-intuitive, so especially if you've already fallen for a jerk it will be hard on your ears.
The tao of dating summary
But let me tell you from experience, if you don't pay attention to Ali, you will not become the Jedi master you were meant to be. We all hate dating, so we all share this secret agony over feeling like we actually have to read a dating book smells like desperation. Isn't that like, reading a book about how to walk? This book is full of subtle nuance, sophisticated dance steps, and all the right attitude adjustments you need to feel your way into the truest truth for you- to be safe and happy in your dating life that leads to-- your intention fulfilled, of course.
May it be the last dating book you ever need or read! It has been for me. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. I bought this book to get a different take on dating advice. Everything that is written is so true. The author is doing a phenomenal job at trying to get the reader to focus on the positive things that is desired in life which opens the door to getting what is focused on.
The book is chock full of information that is always so useful. Not only can you use a lot of the content for dating. It can be useful in life. I couldn't stop reading the book when I got it. Ali B for writing such a beautiful book.