If you asked my friends one of my worst qualities, they would probably say it is the fact that I can be annoyingly analytical. I tend to overthink things. Sometimes that has worked well for me, but often it has the opposite effect especially when it related to my relationships. Then something strange happened. I stopped overthinking, assuming what the other person in the relationship was thinking, or figuring out in my mind what their actions might mean. I had to do a complete juxtaposition. But, by changing my mindset it has helped me to be a better coach to my clients.
I tried every site I heard about, and sometimes had profiles up on multiple sites at a time. I tried different approaches as well. For a while, I would be very proactive about my online dating attempts, searching through matches, and reaching out to people I was interested in. When that didn't seem to work, I got frustrated and decided to just wait for the right person to contact me.
As I developed more strategies, I would play them on loop, with the occasional unsuccessful date in between, until I decided that I had had it. I was tired of the tedium of searching for someone, so I shut down all of my accounts and told myself that I would never return to the agonizing world of online dating again.
Turning my romantic life into a job wasn't proving itself to be satisfying, and so I found it easier to retreat into an acceptance of being single. I didn't do online dating for many years. I focused on the other things in my life that made me happy and believed that, if I was meant to meet someone, I would.
I had a handful of dates with a handful of guys over the course of the next several years, but I never felt the kind of connection I was seeking. But in the meantime, I built an incredibly full life for myself and was happier than I had ever been.
One day, the idea of putting up a profile online randomly popped into my head. I quickly dismissed the thought at first. But then I gave it a bit more thought, and realized that I was in a very different place in my life than when I had last been active in the online dating world.
And I felt like I could take the experience a little more lightly this go round. There I was, putting up a profile again, but this time putting much less pressure on myself and my search.
Within a month, I happened to come across someone I had a crush on in college but had never dated. We scheduled a coffee date to catch up and ended up spending nine hours chatting about nothing and everything like long lost friends. That was a year ago, and although I can't say for sure what will happen, both he and I believe that this may very well be it for us.
Sure, it's a coincidence that we went to college together. But more than anything, I am grateful for my patience and acceptance of myself, and my openness to meeting or in my case, reconnecting with someone in an unconventional way. So, if you have been searching for that special someone online, but have been feeling discouraged , don't give up hope. If you need to deactivate your online dating account for a period of time to gain some perspective or breathing room, so be it. But you can also try approaching the experience with patience, self-acceptance, and above all, a lightness of being about the whole experience.
You never know when you might connect with a person that will take you on that perfect first date. And remember, one is all it takes. Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. Group 8 Created with Sketch.Done With Love
Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. E-mail me with the word "date" in the subject line and I'll be glad to send you another Mind Acrobatics' exercise.
When you feel you've pinpointed what's really important to you create your action dating plan, adopt a positive attitude and get ready to play. It was a blast. Whether it's an introduction from a friend, a dating website or a happenstance meeting in a coffee shop My Man Won't Commit!
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Before You Give Up On Dating, Read This
Do you ever feel like throwing in the dating towel? Mind Acrobatics Exercise 1: Play the music you associate with the happiest period in your life. Take a sip of your drink. Breathe in and out slowly a few times.
Close your eyes and listen to the music playing. With eyes closed begin to imagine the perfect relationship. What are the character traits you most desire in the opposite sex? List the deal breakers you absolutely won't accept. What strengths and great qualities do you bring to the table? What do you enjoy most about dating? What's your biggest turn-on? List an actor or anyone you've encountered that "personifies" your ideal.
What is it about them that attracts your interest? Recall the best date you ever had. Write a paragraph about it with eyes still closed. Mind Acrobatics Exercise 2: Here's both a physical and mental activity rolled into one.
Should i give up on dating
Take a leisurely stroll while the weather's nice. Imagine you are walking arm and arm with someone. This individual makes you laugh and feel good about yourself.
Enjoy the outdoors and hold a conversation with that person. Let go, chat, and imagine the responses you are receiving. Put a smile on your face and laugh a little.
Give that person's arm an affectionate squeeze. Worried people will think you're crazy? Put a Bluetooth or any sort of hearing device in your ear. A benefit of the digital age is you can pretend you're talking. Continue the conversation with your amiable companion.
After finishing your stroll write down thoughts or associations you had. Fantastic, once you've returned from your pleasant little jaunt or perhaps mini-assignation you will have completed two exercises designed to help you get a clearer picture of what you find most desirable in a relationship.
Thanks for reading this article.